


Blur

by achievementboyfriends



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter RPF
Genre: Angst, Brotp, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, POV First Person, PTSD references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-16
Updated: 2013-07-16
Packaged: 2017-12-20 09:44:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/885798
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achievementboyfriends/pseuds/achievementboyfriends
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>I was always screaming inside because I had all these experiences pent up from my time in Afghanistan and no one to talk about them to, in fear of scaring them away. Gavin though, he just scoots over to my side of the booth and hugs me once I’m done reminiscing, genuinely hugs me in a way that has me sobbing in the middle of this sickeningly-sweet frozen yogurt shop.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	Blur

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [Sannguine](http://sannguine.tumblr.com/) on tumblr!

This is supposed to be something fun, a day out together, just the two of us after months and months apart. Gavin is as excitable as ever; The nugget showed up at my hotel about an hour early, knocking on my door and demanding I let him in. He sat around, just talking at me as I finished getting ready. He’s been so happy since I came back from Afghanistan on R&R, wanting to spend every waking moment with me. I don’t really mind, since he’s my best friend…and if I’m honest, he’s a bit more than that too. I remind him of that by kissing him on the cheek and offering my elbow for him to wrap his own arm through, laughing at how ridiculous we look as walk out of the hotel and down towards the street where we hail a cab. 

Gavin gives the cabbie the name of the theater we’re headed to. The movie we’re going to see is a surprise, Gavin tells me, says that I’ll absolutely love it once I see it, that it’s right up my alley. I believe him of course, and kiss his temple, pausing and letting myself breathe in his scent. He’s so perfect, this tiny little human that shoved his way into my life all those years ago, a literal ray of sunshine whenever he’s around. He’s always been this way, a goofball in public and even more so in private, and he exemplifies that characterization now as he leans away and sticks his tongue out at me, teasing. 

I grant him a smile and reach for his hand and marvel at how tiny and delicate his fingers are. I’m so much bigger than him now, bigger than I was before training and… everything else. It’s a little shocking to see how much I’ve changed in relation to Gavin, or something as insignificant as his fingers. I shrug it off and turn back to watching Austin fly by us, in love with this city that Gavin calls home. He’s been trying to get me to move here, stay with him after my tour is done for good. It’s tempting, but I can’t promise him that yet.

Truth is, I don’t even know if I’ll survive the rest of my tour. No one does, not in this war. I don’t want to break his heart even more by building it up with false dreams that might not ever happen. I love him too much to do that. 

We’re at the theater before I can let the negative thoughts affect me too much and I let myself drown in Gavin’s excitement and smiles. He insists on buying the tickets, swatting my hand away before heading towards the concession stand. He gets some weird American candy and I just get a water. He’s babbling as we walk towards our theater door, telling me something about the movie that makes it significant and important but I pay attention to none of it; My focus is on the way he moves, leading us to our seats. I’d follow him anywhere. 

It’s not until the middle of the first act that I realize just what this movie is going to be about. Gavin is already really into it, his candy already forgotten as he watches. There’s a flash on screen that brings my attention back to the film and I cringe as the main character goes through a montage of getting ready to go to war, a soldier. I watch as he tells his parents of his decision to enlist. I watch as he says goodbye to his friends as he leaves for training. I watch as he makes friends with his fellow soldiers and I can’t help but think he’ll be saying goodbye to all of them soon, in one way or another. 

The movie is accurate, factual, to the point that the gunshots and explosions make the back of my eyelids burn with the memories of myself in those settings, maneuvering through dangerous paths, watching friends die in front of me and needing to run to save myself. I suddenly can’t breathe, too caught up in visions that blur between the film and my own memories. I reach for Gavin’s hand desperately, holding on far too tight, letting him know immediately how I feel. I watch from the corner of my eye as he turns to me with a concerned expression on his face.

I hold in the cry that wants to escape my lips as the main character watches an explosion engulf the fellow soldier that has been established as his best friend. I can feel myself shaking and I’m sure Gavin can feel it too through the connection of our hands, his fingers wrapped just as tightly around mine. 

We’re in the back of the theater, Gavin’s favorite place to sit because he hates when people are behind him, kicking his seat. I almost protested when we sat here before the movie began but now I’m thankful for it as Gavin pushes up the armrest separating us and wiggles into my lap, smushing my face against his neck as he embraces me as best as he can from this position. I can feel his heartbeat against mine and I exhale, I close my eyes, I focus only on the calming words in my ear from Gavin’s mouth, the careful kisses he presses along the side of my face. 

The violent scene is over and the film is nearing the end of the last act when Gavin moves away from me, takes one of my hands in both of his and brings me to my feet. We silently leave the auditorium, exiting the theater and heading towards a group of restaurants nearby. Neither of us speak until we’re sitting in an overly-bright Frozen Yogurt shop, sitting in a tacky purple booth. I stay there as Gavin gets one big frozen yogurt and brings it back to our table, offering me a spoon with a careful smile on his face. 

I’m calm as I take the first bite, swallowing hard and closing my eyes against the harsh lights above us. I can feel Gavin’s gaze on me and when I open my eyes once more, I can see his carefully constructed resolve crumble. 

“I didn’t even think about how a movie like that could affect you, B,” he mumbles just loud enough for me to hear and I sigh, the sound coming out much more broken than I thought it would. Gavin looks troubled, upset, and I can’t help but paint a slightly fake smile on my face, reaching across to take another bite of the horrendous concoction Gavin put together. The coffee flavored yogurt slides down my throat with ease, but one of the ridiculous gummy worms Gavin topped it with sticks to my teeth, and I make a funny face to unlodge it. We both laugh.

“Tell me what it was like. Being over there. Going to war.”

“It was rough, B.”

I was always screaming inside because I had all these experiences pent up from my time in Afghanistan and no one to talk about them to, in fear of scaring them away. Gavin though, he just scoots over to my side of the booth and hugs me once I’m done reminiscing about lost lives, lost friends, lost innocence. He genuinely hugs me in a way that has me sobbing in the middle of this sickeningly-sweet frozen yogurt place, starting to cause a bit of a scene. 

It feels like a giant boulder is lifted from my chest as I bury my face in his shoulder and cry like a baby, cry in ways I haven’t done in years. Gavin, sweet ray of sunshine Gavin, he holds me and lets me release, stays calm and strong for the both of us. I wish I could have hidden this side of me from him. I wish I could have let him have this image of me in his head, this unbroken soldier coming home from war unscathed. That image is so far from the truth though, and it mocks me every day that I wake up with this tight pain in my chest that reminds me of the life leaving the eyes of my fellow soldiers. 

I don’t know how we get from the yogurt place to Gavin’s place with the Ramsey’s. All I know is that soon I’m curled up around my best friend, tear tracks the only thing left to show of my earlier breakdown. Gavin is curled up around me under the covers, a fan blowing in our direction to keep us cool in the Austin summer air. He kisses me and I feel alive again, so free and weightless compared to before. 

As we fall into sleep in each others arms, I’m reminded of the reason why I’m doing all of this, why I enlisted in the first place. I hug Gavin tight to my broad chest and bury my face into his messy hair, at home whenever we’re together. He’s the reason I went into this war, and he’ll be the reason I return home at the end of it all.


End file.
